As I was thinking about writing this blog posting a few days ago, I was reminiscing over the 62 years since Jesus Christ first began to open my eyes to His desire to capture my heart. In my spiritual autobiography, Waiting for the City, I chronicle that journey.
What a trip! There have been at least 10 campsites where I pitched my tent along the way, thinking each time I had arrived at the City, the final answer to life. But at each site, as time went by I realized that, no, there is something missing, something is not right in this place. There is still more to learn. So, not even realizing this at the time, God was leading me on, saying, “You’re not there yet. You haven’t arrived as you thought you had. Put your hand in mine. Trust me. I love you! I’ve got it. You are right on schedule!”
I have seen on the trip that, indeed, He does have me. Looking back, there have been no missteps, no mistakes, and all the seeming “problems” and “screw-ups” were simply teaching sessions that He conducted where I learned new truths about the destination, the City with Foundations, where I would eventually reside.
The journey has been completely unplanned. Looking back, I realize now that each step has been taken because I “wanted to” take it, not because I “ought to” take it. Living by “ought to” is bondage to the law, and Jesus freed us all from that bondage (Romans 8:1-4). These verses tell me that if my hand is in His and I am trusting Him for everything, I am completely free to do as I want, because God is in me, faithfully at work conforming my desire to His! The way I know what He wants me to do is to figure out what I want to do!
I am slowly learning to live in that way. I have loved writing this blog for the past 10 years, beginning with the Gospel Parenting one—until now. For the past two postings, even in the middle of an exciting election, it has been hard to have the “oompf” to get started each week.
Father Time is undefeated, so the doctors and I have been struggling with my energy level. Add to that an almost complete absence of balance and mobility as an increasingly manifesting result of a stroke at age 53. As a result, the enthusiasm for fighting through these barriers each week to write this blog has waned, and this will be my last posting.
Jill has told me, “This is the largest church you have ever preached to: 200 come on Sunday (those who open the newsletter) and 30-50 come to home groups during the week” (those who click through to the web page for the conclusion to the posting). I really appreciate all of you who have read my rqantings over these past few years and stuck with me as I have learned. I feel like I am now ready for kindergarten!
I will continue to meet with people, both personally and via phone. I will also continue to email articles that I deem to be important to my personal mailing lists (Politically Active, Theological, Seniors) mailing lists. However, my regular weekly postings on Two Edges of the Sword covering law, gospel and kingdom will cease. If you would like to join one of the other lists, let me know by sending your email address to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I don’t know many of you, don’t recognize your email addresses, but I have seen some of them regularly as you participate. I would love to meet you personally via email or phone. Feel free to call (509-675-5823) or email me if you would like to stay in touch.
Much love and blessings to you and yours,